Monday, October 29, 2007
The Space Between
The fall season formally introduced itself to me this morning as I stepped onto the porch and into the crisp 25F air. My cloudy breath gently floated in between my thoughts as I carefully considered the space I was in.
I gazed up at the still-dark sky, with stars twinkling and moonlight illuminating, making my head lamp almost useless. I let the cold air soak into my skin and bones, reminding me that I'm alive and that this moment matters. As I push foward, bits of frost take flight and glint in the beam from my lamp. Each moment matters.
My feet find their rhythm as my brain clears away the cobwebs. My thoughts drift and I uncover the fact that as much I as I enjoy embracing a challenge and driving relentlessly towards a goal, it is nearly impossible for me to have more than one goal at a time. I'm a singularly focused person staying monogamous with the task at hand. I may have more than one 'interest' at a time, but I can only push for optimal performance in one area.
Last year, Running was my steady love interest. This past summer, it was Cycling. Right now, School has taken center stage, capturing my full attention. I had hoped that I could share my life with Running and School...but as it turns out, School is very possessive and doesn't like to share me with others. So I have to sneak out in the early morning hours for clandestine trysts with Running.
Poor Running. Faithful to me, as always, and suffering at my hands and feet. Since there is no real goal for Running, I'm not overly concerned about taking our relationship to the next level. All I can do is maintain the status quo, and even that has its challenges. One week, we'll hold hands and skip together, for 30 miles. The next week, Running will drag me through 12 miles and it's all I can do pay attention for that long, as my mind keeps wandering back to School.
But I've come to accept the fact that if I can only pour my heart and soul in to one thing at a time, and that's OK. Trying to be 'superhuman' will defeat the body and spirit. We cannot be all things to all people at all times and all at the top of our game. We need to be flexible, we need to relax, we need to make mistakes and learn from them. Sometimes, we need to fail spectacularly in order to succeed. Sometimes, we need to learn to just be 'human.'
At the very least, staying focused on one goal at a time means that I'm dedicated to *something*; and if I'm going to be dedicated to just one thing, I'm going to give it everything I've got and leave it all out on the race course. No sense in crossing the line with fuel left in the tank.
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I gazed up at the still-dark sky, with stars twinkling and moonlight illuminating, making my head lamp almost useless. I let the cold air soak into my skin and bones, reminding me that I'm alive and that this moment matters. As I push foward, bits of frost take flight and glint in the beam from my lamp. Each moment matters.
My feet find their rhythm as my brain clears away the cobwebs. My thoughts drift and I uncover the fact that as much I as I enjoy embracing a challenge and driving relentlessly towards a goal, it is nearly impossible for me to have more than one goal at a time. I'm a singularly focused person staying monogamous with the task at hand. I may have more than one 'interest' at a time, but I can only push for optimal performance in one area.
Last year, Running was my steady love interest. This past summer, it was Cycling. Right now, School has taken center stage, capturing my full attention. I had hoped that I could share my life with Running and School...but as it turns out, School is very possessive and doesn't like to share me with others. So I have to sneak out in the early morning hours for clandestine trysts with Running.
Poor Running. Faithful to me, as always, and suffering at my hands and feet. Since there is no real goal for Running, I'm not overly concerned about taking our relationship to the next level. All I can do is maintain the status quo, and even that has its challenges. One week, we'll hold hands and skip together, for 30 miles. The next week, Running will drag me through 12 miles and it's all I can do pay attention for that long, as my mind keeps wandering back to School.
But I've come to accept the fact that if I can only pour my heart and soul in to one thing at a time, and that's OK. Trying to be 'superhuman' will defeat the body and spirit. We cannot be all things to all people at all times and all at the top of our game. We need to be flexible, we need to relax, we need to make mistakes and learn from them. Sometimes, we need to fail spectacularly in order to succeed. Sometimes, we need to learn to just be 'human.'
At the very least, staying focused on one goal at a time means that I'm dedicated to *something*; and if I'm going to be dedicated to just one thing, I'm going to give it everything I've got and leave it all out on the race course. No sense in crossing the line with fuel left in the tank.
Friday, October 05, 2007
The Quiet Running Chick
My physical therapist assistant classes are back in full swing, capturing all of my free time and brain energy. This semester holds some of the most daunting academic challenges that I've ever faced, and I question my sanity on a daily basis.
You know how somewhere around the middle of marathon training, you're out doing a long run...you're tired, hungry, chafing in new places and your legs ache on a molecular level...and you ask yourself "What the HELL am I doing? I could just stop running. I could be home sleeping!"
You know that feeling?
That's me. Every day. And I'm not training for my next marathon (yet) although I have been running. I haven't been on my bike since the century ride almost a month ago. Yoga is off the schedule. Sigh.
This week coming up, I have one written exam, two quizzes and two competency/skill exams. I'm only taking TWO classes, for Pete's sake! I've been using the word "overwhelmed" liberally. I tell you all this because I want you to know where I am if things get too quiet around here.
There have been some highlights though:
I spotted FIVE deer on my long run this past weekend, and watched their cute fluffy white tails bounce across the field into the woods.
I've been experimenting with less fuel for my long runs, and the results so far have been positive.
I'm still wearing shorts and tank-tops, even for early morning runs.
The best news of all: My mom finished up the last of her 35 radiation treatments, and simultaneously finished up her latest round of chemotherapy. She's been fighting her fifth battle with cancer since late April - she purposely put off her initial chemo so she could come see me run Boston - and has been amazing to watch. Her strength gives me strength.
If she can survive that, I can make it through this semester.
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You know how somewhere around the middle of marathon training, you're out doing a long run...you're tired, hungry, chafing in new places and your legs ache on a molecular level...and you ask yourself "What the HELL am I doing? I could just stop running. I could be home sleeping!"
You know that feeling?
That's me. Every day. And I'm not training for my next marathon (yet) although I have been running. I haven't been on my bike since the century ride almost a month ago. Yoga is off the schedule. Sigh.
This week coming up, I have one written exam, two quizzes and two competency/skill exams. I'm only taking TWO classes, for Pete's sake! I've been using the word "overwhelmed" liberally. I tell you all this because I want you to know where I am if things get too quiet around here.
There have been some highlights though:
I spotted FIVE deer on my long run this past weekend, and watched their cute fluffy white tails bounce across the field into the woods.
I've been experimenting with less fuel for my long runs, and the results so far have been positive.
I'm still wearing shorts and tank-tops, even for early morning runs.
The best news of all: My mom finished up the last of her 35 radiation treatments, and simultaneously finished up her latest round of chemotherapy. She's been fighting her fifth battle with cancer since late April - she purposely put off her initial chemo so she could come see me run Boston - and has been amazing to watch. Her strength gives me strength.
If she can survive that, I can make it through this semester.
